Functional Yet Dysfunctional
by saerani
Summary: They're opposites. She's polite and nice, he's sadistic and deceptive. Yet, they've been friends for the longest time. Oneshot request fic. Fem!KurokoxHanamiya.


"Makoto-kun." Kuroko said in a soft voice as she approached Hanamiya, who was busy reading in one of the secluded areas of the library. "You'll be late for practice. You have a match in a few days, remember?"

Hanamiya sighed. "Yeah, yeah. I know." He put his book down and put it back on the shelf next to him. "What time is it?"

"Almost past three-thirty…" She replied.

"What? I still have time, Tetsu!" He complained.

"Stop complaining, and start preparing." She reprimanded. "Making excuses is not fit for a captain and coach."

…

"That sure was some brutal training this time, Hanamiya!" Kazuya Hara said as he walked home with Kuruko, Hanamiya and Furuhashi, that same playful smile on his face as he blew his gum and popped it quickly.

"Complaining, Kazuya?" Hanamiya asked with a glare. "I don't mind tripling your regime."

"Oh come on!" Popped his gum again.

The three boys that surrounded the one girl then started their usual friendly banter whenever they walk home together. For Kuroko, it was annoying at first, having to bear with so many petty arguments here and there. But then she came to realize that it's how these guys get along and usually converse with each other. All friends have their own way of communicating, after all. She learned that in middle school. Her group of friends were especially eccentric. In more ways than one. How she'd love to go back to those days. But those were days when she didn't see much of Hanamiya because of the distance and their different schedules. Nevertheless, the two always found time to spend with each other even if it were only once or twice a month or so.

"Damn it, looks like there's trash over here."

Kuroko stopped in her tracks. She saw a group of delinquents of five in a basketball court in a mini-park, facing three normal-looking high school boys. Her three guy friends didn't notice the girl getting left behind because they were too busy arguing with each other, and Kuroko's presence was practically weak.

' _I think I know where this is going…'_ Kuroko thought in her head.

"Come on, you've had enough." The one with brown hair, wearing an orange headband said. "Give someone else a turn." He said with a small movement of his head, telling them to get out.

"We just got here. Wait your turn." One of the boys defended.

"Our turn?" Another delinquent, in a light blue dress shirt, questioned. "Now, now." He stepped forward, putting a hand on his friend who had a yellow and red jersey on. "Why don't we settle this with some basketball?"

The three boys looked at each other with a mix of worried and afraid expressions. But it was obvious what they were going to choose. The game started and the three boys got an early advantage with their good teamwork. One of them was about to make the basket, when the guy with the headband, blocked the shot, and knocked the other guy down on the floor, landing on his butt.

"Huh?" The boy looked up at the delinquent, confused. "Hey, what was that? It's a three-on-three!"

"What?" The delinquent with the blue dress shirt asked with a smug grin, as he walked up to the fallen boy still on the ground. "I said we'd play basketball. I didn't say anything about three-on-three."

"What are you saying? That's not fai-"

The same delinquent then kicked the boy in the stomach. "Huh? What'd you say?" He didn't let his foot up, pressing his foot deeper into the boy's stomach. Then he lifted his foot up, but quickly lifted it to the boy's face, kicking him. "Sorry, I didn't hear you."

The delinquent turned to his right, only to see a spinning basketball to his face. "There's nothing fair about this." An eloquent, soft and gentle voice said behind the basketball.

The ball slightly moved forward, touching the delinquent's nose, the speed of the ball causing heated friction. Add that to the sudden appearance, the delinquent quickly moved back with a yelp, covering his nose.

"Who the hell are you?" The delinquent yelled, still covering his nose. "Where'd you come from?"

"This isn't basketball." Kuroko stated bluntly, with eyebrows slightly down. "Besides, violence is bad."

 _Back to Kirisaki Daichi…_

"Huh? Where did Kuroko go?" Furihara Kojiro asked with a monotone voice as he noticed there was no one behind him anymore no matter how hard he looked.

"Eh?" Hanamiya said out of surprise. He looked at his surrounding left and right, and didn't see his friend anywhere. "Tetsu? Tetsu?! Where did that idiot go now?!"

 _Back to Kuroko…_

"What do you think you're doing?!" The delinquent with the yellow jersey yelled as he grabbed her by the collar. "You think just because you're a pretty girl, we'll let ya off the hook?!"

The blue-shirt delinquent giggled, still holding his nose. "There are still people like this these days. Fine, then." He removed his hand, revealing a wicked grin. "Let's settle this with basketba….all…"

Three boys walked up, standing beside the girl. Hanamiya ruffled Kuroko's hair as he stood beside her, but kept his gaze on the delinquents. The aura and look he was giving off, was borderline _murderous_.

"Excuse us, but mind if we play, too?" Kazuya asked with his playful smile, popping his gum, along with Hanamiya.

"Are they even worth our time?" Furuhashi commented with a bored tone, as his dead eyes bore into the delinquents.

"Idiot." Hanamiya said to Kuroko. "How many times do I have to tell you to not run off on your own?!"

'S-Scary…' The delinquents all thought in their head.

"Who-Who are you..?" One of them asked.

"Listen… We usually don't involve ourselves in these petty scenes and scum like you." Hanamiya said, ignoring the question. "But you've caught our friend's attention. I don't think we can ignore that." The air around them grew tense, and threatening. Even Tetsu's eyes seem to glow against the sunset glow. The delinquents felt the color drain from their faces, and the more their bodies shook as those eyes lingered on them. "A five-on-four is fine." Hanamiya declared.

"Wait…Five-on-four..?" The one with the orange hairband questioned. "But there's three of you…"

Kazuya scoffed and smirked, Furuhashi sighed and Hanamiya continued to glare, the murderous intent growing. "You think just because she's in a skirt, she can't play? Weren't you the one who challenged her, anyway? Why don't we start right now, and you'll see for yourself! …If you're up for it."

"What'd you say?!" The blue-shirted one said in anger. He and his friends were obviously being taunted at. They were basically saying that she could beat them. All of them could beat them. They could tell that the three boys were strong, but they couldn't back out now.

The game started. The delinquents got the ball first, but Tetsu came out of nowhere, and passed the ball to Hanamiya, but because he was guarded, he quickly passed it to Kazuya who shot the ball. Kazuya dribbled the ball, trying to get away from two opponents blocking him, he passed it to Tetsu, who passed it to Furuhashi, who shot the ball as well. And the game went on like this. One of the boys would pass it to Tetsu, who would pass it to another player, who would inevitably make the basket.

They basically destroyed them.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Hanamiya scolded Kuroko once they were far enough from the park. "They could've beaten you up! Do you have any idea of what could've happened if we didn't intervene?"

"They would've beaten me up." Tetsu replied bluntly.

Kazuya put a hand on Hanamiya's shoulder and ruffled Kuroko's hair a bit. "Now, now. While I admit, that was a bit stupid of you, Tet-chan, I got to thank you."

Kuroko raised her eyebrow in response. "What do you mean?"

"It's because of you, this day wasn't so boring." Kazuya explained. "To be honest, the day was _soooo_ normal, I was bored out of my head! Thanks to you, Tet-chan, this day got a little more exciting." He then turned to Furuhashi. "Right, Furuhashi?"

"Well, I guess." Furuhashi replied stoically.

Hanamiya wanted to yell. He wanted to yell at his two teammates for being so stupid. It wasn't the day, the excitement, or the boringness of the day he cared about. It was Tetsu. He was scared when she wasn't beside him. His mind started jumping to ridiculous ideas and scenarios, before he reached the park and sighed in relief in knowing she was safe. But when he saw that delinquent grab her by the collar, threatening her, he wanted to punch the guy in the face and knock him out cold. But he wasn't going to say that out loud in public. The latter part, maybe. But the former, no. It's a good thing he can keep a cool head when he needs to.

The captain sighed in exasperation. "Whatever. It's getting late. Let's just go."

After a few more banter and threats between the three boys, it was time for them to go their separate ways to their homes. Kazuya and Furuhashi went in two different directions, while Kuroko and Hanamiya continued walking together, as their houses weren't that far apart.

However, the air around them was awkward. Kuroko kept stealing glances at the boy, only to see his passive scowling face that made it looked like he hated everyone in the world. This just made her feel guilty. She didn't like her closest friend staying so mad at her.

"Makoto-kun?"

"What?" He asked, lazily.

"I'm sorry. I know I was being reckless and stupid. And—"

"Stop it."

"Huh?"

"It's in the past now. No use fretting over it." Kuroko waited a bit more, expecting him to say more, but he just stared ahead. Even so, she felt a little better. The weight had been lifted and she felt herself smile again. Inside her head, she also felt giddy. She knows Makoto Hanamiya's ideal type of girl is a stupid one. Though, she has no idea why he, or men in general find stupidity attractive. Maybe it's a sense of dominance? "Why are you smiling?"

"Oh, nothing." She answered, not dropping the smile.

"By the way, Tetsu. Are you free tomorrow?"

"Huh? Oh, um, yeah. Why?"

"I want to go shopping tomorrow." He replied nonchalantly. "I haven't bought any books in a while. Not only that, my favorite author just published a new book, but I haven't been able to buy a copy because of my busy schedule. Can you come with me tomorrow?"

Kuroko's smile grew just a bit. It's something they have in common. They both like to read. It's both of their hobbies. "Sure, Makoto-kun."

 **A/N:** This fanfic was requested by _Shiranai Atsune_. I'm sorry if they're all OOC. I don't know a lot about Kirisaki Daichi, and I don't read a lot of Fem!Kuroko, so I was a little lost. This was the best I could come up with, so sorry if it's boring. Their relationship mirrors Aomine and Momoi like you said, but I was still a little lost on what to write. So I based the basketball scene when Kuroko, Kagami and Kise played against the bullies right after the Kaijo practice match. And the last scene was based on the ending scene where Aomine loses to Serin (?), and he asks Momoi to go shopping with him for new basketball shoes. And yes, Hanamiya likes to read.

Also, this is my first time writing a requested fanfic, so please cut me some slack. As for Kuroko's girl name… There was Tetsumi and Tetsuna, but I searched and found out Tetsu is a Japanese girl name itself. So I just went with that.

Thank you for reading!

-Saerani


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